Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway

I teach Feel the Fear workshops from the book of the same name. And I'm about to walk my talk...big time!
I've had body issues mostly the whole of my life, well certainly since my boobs grew at age 11. My weight fluctuates from 10st to 12 1/2. And currently I'm nearer the top end. I've been blaming my chemotherapy and steroids and cake therapy but that treatment is now over a year ago.  So basically it's still because I eat more than my body needs, & I'm far too fond of comfort foods!
And now I'm planning to dance in a bikini (with a bit of fringing) in front of 1500 people! This is definitely a Feel the Fear moment for me. As Susan Jeffers teaches the only way to get rid of a fear is to go out and do it! So despite thinking I have a backside the size of Ireland and more lumps and bumps than I'm comfortable with I am going to strut my stuff to Cell Block Tango from Chicago and Go Out And Do It!

Please support me by coming to see the show. Friday 23 March tickets £12.50 from me or ring the Hospice. Or sponsor me and help donate as much as possible to the Hospice xx

https://strictlylearntodance18.everydayhero.com/uk/pam-does-strictly

Not Dead Yet!

Today I've just been asked to fill in a form from the Dove House Strictly team so that they find out more about us, and maybe use our stories in what they share to raise awareness of the Strictly event and, of course, their (and our) fundraising efforts. 

Describe yourself in 3 words... Not Dead Yet!  was what came to mind.  So I've not had the best of days, and some days, having had a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis plays on your mind.  Today was one of those days.  But as the picture above, and my participation in Strictly 2018 shows, I am Not Dead Yet! 

A cancer diagnosis makes you contemplate your mortality, and while my cancer diagnosis is now absolutely ages ago (well - June 2016) there are days where it looms large in your mind.  There can sometimes be a reason for this, if it is coming up to an anniversary or a particular appointment check up, and other days it can just be the way you feel when you get out of bed, when a part of your body aches in a way that you don't expect.  Is it just that I worked hard at my dancing that I have strange pains in my legs or is it Lymphoma?  Does my back ache because my pelvis still isn't quite straight, or is it Lymphoma coming back to raise it's bloody ugly head again.  I'm here to tell you that it's because my pelvis isn't quite straight and because I'm working hard at learning my dances! 

Those who know me know how upbeat and positive I try to be, and I manage that most of the time, because to do so makes me feel better, if I focus on the positive I feel amazing.  If I focus on the negative I feel like crap!  So why would I focus on the negative?  So to help me today to focus on the positive I have had the video of Martin and I doing the tango (from our practice on Saturday), to Cell Block Tango from Chicago.  I've been belting out the tune, I've been practising my steps, and waiting, excitedly for my costume to arrive.  Body suit, black and red scarf that will be fashioned into a tango skirt, and a black wig!! You can maybe tell I'm very excited about this outfit. 

I hope you will come and support me, and watch me prove that I have a lot of life left in me, and that this body, that gave me a massive fright, will still do what I ask of it.  That this brain that is still struggling with chemo brain can still learn, and learn well.  And cheer me on, because it would be amazing to see you there.  Friday 23rd March at the Hull City Hall! (You can buy tickets from me or from the Hospice)
 And if you can't make it, could you make a donation in support of me doing this?  Donate online here

Pam xx

The tango and The bl**dy Rumba!

In my last post I said the Rumba terrified me, so of course we have the Rumba!  Janine (our teacher) and Martin have persuaded me I'll be able to do this, but as I don't have a sexy bone in my body, and I'm dancing with man who is not my hubby, and who, let's face it, I barely know yet,  who knows what it will look like! Martin says he has 'ideas', which involve his shirt... I'm even more terrified now! Oh and anyone got a long blonde wig?

As Martin says 'In Janine we trust!' So I'm putting my trust in the teaching and the process... We've still got a whole 10 weeks left (10 weeks, is that all!)

We also have the tango, which we wanted, and I'm quite excited about.  We are dancing to Cell Block Tango from Chigaco, which is also a quite sexy dance, but as it's more powerful and not as (I don't know what word to use here) ethereal (...does that work?) then that doesn't feel as scary to me. 

As you can see from the pic I now have shoes! I'm in love!  I borrowed a couple of pairs to try and see if I could do heels, and I couldn't! (Big thanks to Carol & Rowena for their generosity).  The one's I'd been lent were about 2.5inches and my back was killing me after about 10 mins, so knew they were a no go.  Went to a dance shop, but the only lower ones they had made me feel like Great Aunt Bertha ie they were a little bit frumpy to say the least.   But then I set about searching on the old t'internet, and came across pretty shoes with a lower heel, and there you go, one click ordering from Amazon and these arrived!  I am wearing them around the house, and I never want to take them off.  I keep having to put my boots on to go outside, such a shame. 

The donation link is here, please be generous, as the advert says... Every little helps!  I know everyone is skint after Christmas, and no one has been paid yet, so I'll drop a reminder in at the end of the month as some of you have said you'll sponsor me then! 😍  I've been knocked off the top of the donation leader board so need you to do what you can.  You know this is an amazing charity, and they need as much support as we can give them.  As a group last year they raised £35K and #Team2018 want to smash that. 

As for tickets, you can either get them through me £12.50 each, or ring the hospice direct on 01482 785743 and ask for Anita Brien (although anyone should be able to take your payment), don't forget to tell them you want seats in my section!

Do come and join us, me trying to do sexy should be worth the ticket price alone!

Keep Dancing 💃🕺

Pam xx

Oh what a night!

And we're off!

What a whirlwind it was last night, we all arrived at Dunswell Village Hall, all looking a bit wary, not really knowing anyone, and came out buzzing having danced with nearly everyone in the room!

The theme this year is the West End Shows, think theatre, music, drama, If you come to see us, Oh you are in for such a treat!

There will be numbers, BIG numbers, from Chicago, Shrek, (Shrek... I think I'd make a good Ogre Fiona! Get out the green paint) Mary Poppins, Jersey Boys, Singing in the Rain, Calamity Jane, West Side Story, Rocky Horror Show and so many more, there will be some fabulous opportunities for wonderful costumes and Showman/womanship aplenty!  Janine (Ballroom Blitz Dance Academy) has some very big ideas for us all. 

We got to 'try out' a little taster of each dance to see what we liked,  I enjoyed tango (with a little bit of Argentine thrown in!), paso doble (with some good clapping and stamping fun), the Charleston (though it's difficult to swivel in trainers), the good old salsa (I can already count salsa so have a bit of a head start in that), and I quite liked the quickstep and the foxtrot  The rumba quite honestly terrified me.  I didn't even attempt the Viennese Waltz! All those turns!  I'd be ill on the dance floor, not quite the look I'm going for. 

And we were partnered up, so the 'lucky' guy who gets to spend the next 11 weeks training with me is Martin Storey,   I said I wanted someone with a sense of humour, I think it shows all over his face, as anyone with a blue beard can't take themselves too seriously can they? So hopefully we will be well suited.  Our mutual FaceBook friends have already said he's a top bloke and that we'll have some laughs so that sounds like we'll be grand.

Janine and her team are amazing, many of them have already had the experience of Strictly and are back to support us on our adventure.  When they showed what the dances will look like Martin and I put in a request for the tango, no promises but we're hopeful.  We'll find out next week, as well as what our other dance will be.  (Worryingly I've already forgotten all we did last night!)

This adventure is going to be fun, but the serious business of fundraising is why we are doing it.  I'm currently top of the leaderboard on fundraising (thank you generous people) and want to raise as much as possible, Please give what you can.  For those who want to support by buying tickets they should be available by next week and come in at a mere £12.50 which I think is an absolute bargain for what is going to be a Fab-U-Lous night of entertainment.  These are available via me, for cash, I need to sell at least 15 tickets so do get in touch if you'd like to join in the fun. 

Keep Dancing!!🕺💃👠👞

It's today!

So today is first lesson! Very excited. Sitting eating my tea in The Ship Inn and getting a bit nervous! But as ever will Feel the Fear and do it anyway!
Might find out who my partner is tonight... hope they've got a sense of humour!
Big News... I've already hit the fund raising target so I've upped it!
https://strictlylearntodance18.everydayhero.com/uk/pam-does-strictly

Keep Dancing! 💃🕺👍👃

Pam xx

Men Wanted!!

Mollie & AJ revealed to be kissing during Strictly training, better not tell my hubby or he might not be so happy about me doing the training!  Seriously though it would be good to have a partner, apparently Dove House Hospice are a couple of men short, so at this point I might end up having to dance as a man! I always used end up doing this when I did a few Salsa classes many years back, there were always far more many women wanting to learn than men, and I can be bossy so can lead (so I've been told)!  I'd much rather dance the female role, I want the sequins and the spray tan (and hopefully I won't look like a man in drag!)
So come on men, get in touch with Dove House Hospice, if you are lucky, you might get to dance with me!!

We’re still looking for men to join our 2018 Strictly Learn to Dance team. If you’re interested in getting involved email Anita on a.brien@dovehouse.org.uk answering the questions below:

1. Date of birth
2. Height
3. Previous dance experience
4. Why would you like to take part?
5. Could you sell 15 tickets to the grand finale?
6. Could you raise the minimum of £500?
7. Can you make rehearsals on Thursday evenings throughout January, February and March?

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to get in touch.

Good Luck!

So many questions???

Woke up this morning with so many questions going through my head...

What did they say about dance shoes?  Lightinthebox is a good place to start looking.  Check for sizing (I'm a 6, might need to order up or down? which was it?) and check they are adult size (not kids) and for delivery times, if they come from overseas they might not arrive in time to break them in. (I thought you did this to horses not shoes!)
Have I the energy to do this?  Fatigue is still a much bigger an issue in my life than I'd like it to be. 
Do I have the confidence to do this?  Hell yes! Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway! I hope so anyway... when I'm in higher self then definitely.
Can I actually dance?  I did Rush with Southpaw in the Freedom Festival (mass movement dance spectacular), which was an amazing experience, but then I was one of many, it was dark and I was near the back. This time it will be me and my partner on the dance floor in spot lights (in heels).  I'm know I'm not Anne Widdecombe, but I'm certainly no Debbie Mcgee!
Who will I be paired with?  Hope he's got a good sense of humour!
Will my chemo brain remember 3 routines and transfer that info to my body and my feet?  I blooming well hope so, but it's not guaranteed! I managed in Rush but as soon as I'd learn one piece they changed what we were doing (literally right up until minutes before we went on) really hope that isn't the case this time.  I did learn that seeing the dance on video helps me, as does having a written note of the routine, but mostly repetition repetition repetition!
Will I ever see my husband Allan?  Another night I'm out, and we are already ships that pass in the night! He knows I need a new challenge, and hopefully will be proud of me.
Will my back cope? Currently a twisted pelvis and a pulled QL, adding dancing in heels to the mixture, eek.  Get a therapist on speed dial, and keep doing Forrest Yoga Abs!
What about the fund raising?  I put that I hope to smash the £500 challenge, I'll need your help for that! (and will put a link for this as soon as we've had details about it). The Hospice is a fab cause and most people locally have family or friends that have used the wonderful facilities at some point, it's available for Hull and the whole of East Yorkshire, so has a large reach.   And it might be free to use but it's not free to provide. They told us last night they get funding that covers 36 days so have the other 329 to cover from fundraising.
Can I sell a table for 10? I've already got people telling me they want tickets for the event so should have that one covered.  Of course the more the merrier, once the table is full (these are around the dance floor, one per contestant) there are lots of other seat tickets in City Hall. I hope to have as many of my family and friends around me to cheer me on, and to pick me up & dust me down if I fall!

I'm sure there were more questions, certainly felt like it at 4 this morning!  I'll pop them up later if they come back to me. 

Keep Dancing
Pam x 💃

Dove House Hospice